Upon closer investigation into the religious side of Easter – and yes, there is one, and apparently it has nothing to do with chocolate eggs and life sized rabbits – I found myself rather overwhelmed and unable to decipher how exactly it is that Jesus rose from the dead or how it came to pass that this meant everyone should eat a lot of chocolate, and in the case of my friends mother, answering all phone calls by declaring: Christ has risen, rather than simply saying hello.
So I am largely leaving that mystery, I mean, miracle, alone, and calling it a long weekend. It’s how I was raised: Holidays, not religion. What can I say, I am from shallow stock.
But with shallow, often comes suspicion, so I must confess that on Easter Sunday while at the pub ostensibly toasting Jesus’ return but in actual fact getting shit faced drunk while listening to the Mad Peruvians’ classic 7inch reggae collection, I did mention, apologetically, to my friend who had a strict religious upbringing, that I thought ‘it all’ (my well crafted summation of the religious as opposed to egg eating aspect of Easter) sounded a bit fucking ridiculous, and she said I was right, that it is all ridiculous, except that she cant say so because she feels too guilty. So based, if on nothing else but this bizarre clause that allows her to sanction my guilt but not confess her own, even though she did, I think I will stick to calling it ridiculous and leave it at that.
But outside of these considerations I had all sorts of experiences and reflections that were for the most part thoroughly unrelated to the fact that Christ died and rose again. For example, when Good Friday rolled around I found myself thinking ‘what is that noise?’ and ‘where is it coming from?’, before I realized that the world had gone eerily quiet and I was in fact listening to the ‘sound of silence’. Then before I knew it was all ‘hello darkness my old friend’.
Because the silence was a result of the four lane major highway that sits at our front doorstep being dead empty. There was not a car or soul in sight, and I felt like I had woke to a scene of a zombie movie where the entire population had been killed, and the streets showed no sign of life.
And then I realized my parents were home too, but it was technically a weekday, so that felt plain weird all over again, and as I stood there, in the silence of no traffic whizzing by, I realised that all the shops would be closed and that I wouldn’t be able to get a coffee for the love of God – literally, and I started to feel strange and restless as a result of this system shut down and idle and neurotic thoughts started getting loud on the account of their being so much silence, so that when my Mother offered to take The Boy for a walk but was then gone too long I found myself fretting that she had had a heart attack (hello darkness) and that she would be lying paralysed in a gutter somewhere completely leaving herself open to attack by the zombies, and that The Boy would be looking on in horror and confusion thus leaving him scarred for life meaning I will need to foot ongoing therapy bills, and no one will come to their aid because its Good Friday and everyone has been eaten by zombies and even if by chance someone does find her in this newly vacated, post apocalyptic world, how will they be able to identify her because she didn’t even take her wallet? But hopefully they would just call an ambulance anyway, but then who will comfort The Boy when they whisk her away and –
“What was that dear; what am I thinking about? Oh Nothing really, just enjoying the Easter ambiance…”
And as if that wasn’t enough of a wild tangent alerting you to the heights of my neurosis and anxiety, I then started to contemplate the broader idiosyncratic nature of my parents logic, who I had learnt were home for the long weekend because they decided not to go camping on account of the ‘Easter crowds’.
This is in the same vain, but no where near the same league, as when we were in France and, on their insistence, had driven them to the Monte Carlo Casino, and they decided to photograph the building from the car window while doing a drive by that would do a set of bank robbers proud because it would have been too hard to stop and find a park.
Which means we now have this as evidence that we have ‘been there’, which also serves as an invaluable reminder how not to travel the world
But to be fair, their logic about crowds and camping did remind me of how, years ago, when I was reading a guest column in the local paper, some guy was going off his nut –it was a rant and rave type column – over the time he went camping to a beautiful and remote National Park with his girlfriend and set up their tent in an empty campground before walking down to a nearby beach. When they got back they discovered, to their horror, that a newly arrived couple had sent up camp right next to them despite the fact that the entire campground was otherwise empty. This guy couldn’t believe it so he set off on a tour of the campground to inspect the other sites – surely there must have been a problem elsewhere, an ant invasion, swamp lands he hadn’t noticed, something, anything to explain this new couples unfathomable decision to plonk themselves right on top of the only other people there. But no, every other spot was perfectly fine, and he found no such explanation. Other than people are just fucking weird, that is.
Because, similarly, I know of a couple travelling somewhere in Europe, a far more space challenged continent, and remarkably finding themselves on a mile long beach with not a soul in sight. Then, to their horror, they watched an entire family trudge hundreds of metres up the vast, empty beach and so they could set their towels down 2 metres from the jaw dropped couple.
And nothing but plain fucking weirdness explains shit like that.
And all of this might have fuck all to do with Easter, but on a weirdness scale it has to be right up there with a whole lot of people believing in some guy waking from the dead and pushing huge boulders out of his way so he can get back on with absolving the world of sin.
And then before I knew it, it was like, Sunday, and three whole days had passed and all I had done was pursue mind rambling bullshit, and STILL not even figured out much about this Easter business, at which point I reminded myself of the fabulous David Sedaris book “Me Talk Pretty One Day” and the blurb on the back page that explains it all:
Easter is celebrated on the first Sunday after the full moon, AFTER the autumn Equinox..(spring in the Northern Hemisphere).. the name STOLEN from a pagan spring festival called Eustre…This was a popular occasion amongst the men of the village, who ran through wooded areas, naked, hunting for rabbits that, if caught, were dipped in choc and then devoured. Its got nothing to do with Yesus’s so called resurrection.. In case you didnt know….
I like Richard Dawkins question for Christians.. Quite simply.. “Do you really believe that the world is only 10,000 years old?”..
btw GREAT POST RTS!!
As it happens, I didn’t know this. Although I’m betting you do because its a ritual you like to honour come every full moon. I wonder what your neighbours think when they get a flash of your white ass flesh and chocolate coated grinning chin glimmering in the moonlight….
I think that if any of the religious people start to actually think about what it is they believe in they can’t help but question their own sanity. I do believe Jesus existed and that he was enlightened. I think Paul and a few other power and control hungry assholes screwed the whole thing up afterwards.
All you have to do is look at Genesis, there are so many holes and utter ridiculousness, it blows your mind. Ok, so the snake f**ked everything up for all of mankind for all of eternity and his punishment is………oh, he has to crawl on his f**king belly? Ohh, that’s a rough punishment for a snake…..
Your ranting makes me rant, but I love your ranting!
Haha, well, I indulge you – rant away! I actually feel enlightened myself now, and I think I may even be Jesus, reincarnated
But really, these ideas, and the letter you wrote on your blog, do make me think I should learn a little bit about Jesus, and maybe even the Bible – ‘know thy enemy’ sounds a bit harsh, but a similar sentiment is what I have in mind
Deepak Chopra wrote an ok book called Jesus, A Story of Enlightenment, but Eckert Toole is probably better at including him in both Power of Now and New Earth. You should like them…
I read a great quote from Gandhi the other day, that went something like this: “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.” Of course i have problems with virulently anti-religious people too. Fucking smartarses.
And whilst recommending good books, check out “The Flood” by David Maine. Maybe you will be floored like i was. I definitely think you would appreciate it…
I love that your parents do drive-by tourism. At least they know what they want out of a trip. Straight to the point.
Like that quote “Hell is other people”, i think the song for the day is The Doors: “People Are Strange”…
Haha, yes my parents are nuts, but I’m glad you can appreciate it, because they are also kinda hilarious.
The recommendations around all this religious reading is great, and as for quotes, there is an entire blog post in that, much like the one on lyrics!
I like when Gandhi was asked what he thought about Western civilisation and he said he thought it sounded like a good idea! Funny.
right there with ya girl, i think. hey do you talk fast?
Its funny, I think fast, but talk with the slow drawl of a stroke victim. Go figure
Haha, me too. It really pisses people off, they get very impatient with me… at times I can see they want to finish my sentences!
“And nothing but plain fucking weirdness explains shit like that.”
That is my new favorite quote. For real.
I agree with Scott, I too, am smitten with your rants.
Oh, and btw, “Me Talk Pretty One Day” owns my heart.
With comments like this, you own *my *heart, bschooled. For real.
Ruby Two Shoes, Better than the other way round surely!
I am not sure if this means – Ruby Two Shoes is better than Shoes Two Ruby? Or if it is something in the post that is better than the other way around…But either way – thanks Circus Monkey!
Love it. I hear you loud and clear. Weird stuff Easter. Great going on your thoughts wild journey.
Thanks Sharni, nice to see you over here, hope my grass is green enough despite my ranting and raving!
This easter, as every easter, I had the same query over the meaning of eggs and rabbits. I started to look into it, but gave up very quickly as I realized I don’t really care about any of it. Easter came and went as a nice long weekend with no sign of the easter bunny and no thoughts of mysterious miracles. I just can’t buy into any of it.
Thankfully my easter didn’t feature any zombies either!!
Love the beachside/camping tangent we ended up on!
I thought you would be able to appreciate those camping nutjobs! I’m happy to hear that things passed by pleasantly for you my country bumpkin, x